Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
