dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
