I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
