After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
