no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
