i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
