I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
