Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
