You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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