those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
