dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
