A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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