i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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