I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
