he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
