yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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