it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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