Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
