what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
