i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
