i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
