My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
