I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
