textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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