When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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