Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
