I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
