My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
