How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
