I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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