I am puke
time to smoke my breakfast
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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