Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
