well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
