everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
