Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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