sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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