i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
