They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
