Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
