i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The struggles of a small town man whore
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
