Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
