Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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