nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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