happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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