i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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