how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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