Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
