Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
