I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
