I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
