Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
