This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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